Age: As old as the aristocracy. Appearance: Bland, rich, characterised by an absence of turnips. Why no turnips? Because they’re only fit for cattle. And no deep-fried food either. On health grounds?

SAN JOSE — Flavor was never part of Brian Boitano’s diet. In fact, his figure skating career depended on a bland, boring diet. “I would eat a chicken breast and baked potato every night,” Boitano said ...